Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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