Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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