I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
