Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
