And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
