Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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