I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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