i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my phone needs a breathalizer
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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