Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize