Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
