Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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