god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize