The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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