Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
