when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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