i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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