She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize