Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
