I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize