no, he came in my armpit
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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