she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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