You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
