I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
