At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
