Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize