chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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