i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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