I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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