I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
