I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
