honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
