I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
