a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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