so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
