My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize