Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
