Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
