I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
