I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
