matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
