Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
