Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
