so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
