I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
