She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
