you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
