I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize