I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
