i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
