Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
