when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
