great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
