U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
