I hate your face
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
