i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
