Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
