Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the day after is always just damage control
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
