i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
