he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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