i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
