You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
