I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
