she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
