It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
