I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize