I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
