I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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