I will die if light touches me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
