My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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