The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
