now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
