he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize