Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
