seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize