I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
