i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
