I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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