Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
