I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
