Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can I color on your dick again?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
