you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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