i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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