i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
