I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
