Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
