Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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