i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
