literally had 100 drinks last night.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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