What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
