I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
