if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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