There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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