No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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