I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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