Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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