In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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