Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
is it fun? or sober?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
