in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
