Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
