On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
