my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize