tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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