Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
