You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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