Can i not drive my cunt home
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
