Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This baby is an asshole
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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