Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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