Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
