It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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