even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
